Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Less than an apology…

Posted: April 1, 2014 in Uncategorized

I know what I said in my last post. The next week I was questioning my resolve, intent on getting things done, I desired to be productive. But instead this blog collected dust on a shelf where I sat it as other things in life took precedence. I wrote only poems I couldn’t share that week, things I’m not yet wiling that people see knowing I’ve written it. I had nothing I could post without raising unwelcome opinions. The next week I had a son. My girlfriend went into labor, he was born February 13th at 10:17p, and my son, who has none of my genetics, has her eyes and her chin and her nose and it looks just as good on him as it does on her but in such a different way… My life suddenly filled with all the things I expected, but expected to handle better. To sum it up, even if you wanted a poem from me you weren’t going to get it because Sunday was one of two days a week I got to see my love and my son and as far as I’m concerned you can collect dust over in a corner somewhere, suddenly I have no time for you… And then life happens, things you don’t expect appear out of no where. I got sick, and because of health care reform I have no insurance. It stressed me out, and although I’m feeling mostly better now it still worries me. Still working on that, the application is in someone else’s hands, but I’m still left uninsured. Same week, my car overheated on the highway AFTER I took it to get looked at, it needed $1200 in repairs BEFORE it started overheating. The repairs it needs were unrelated to the reason it’s overheating. I didn’t get to see my son for 2 weeks because of that, thank God my brother didn’t need his car this month and… sorry, still working on those old habits. My car still hasn’t moved, I don’t have the money for it, and my brother is coming home from Taiwan at the end of the week. Somehow I’m still working 20 hour weeks because someone thought it was smart to make 30 hours full time last year. You can make anything look smart on paper, and I can blame a million people other than me for still holding this part-time job. Doesn’t mean it’s right. Ever feel like you’re fighting against yourself and losing to somebody else? That’s me lately, and my mom’s done a really good job of reminding me of it. Who can blame her? I’d probably do that too.

I would absolutely love to make a career of writing what I want to write and nothing I don’t. I would love to make it an obligation to share my opinions and emotions and thoughts. It feels like that’s 4 years of college and tens of thousands in debt away at best and still unrealistic. And here I’m still letting my blog collect dust. I would absolutely love to make a career of doing something creative, let’s not be picky about writing for a minute. But at best, I could probably manage that in 2 years with a four digit number in debt just in equipment only to possibly find out it’s not that easy to do and it doesn’t suit me. At the end of the day it’s about helping people and inspiring people and you know, the people this and that… That’s an interview away for full time if I just put the effort in. Right? I’d like to think so. Maybe I’m just not looking hard enough to find it, or maybe they aren’t advertising… None of the ones I see feel right to me, none of them catch my eye as something I’d want to do for money. You couldn’t pay me a dime to sell someone a car they shouldn’t buy, a hair product that wouldn’t better their life, an article of clothing they don’t need, or food that isn’t good. I won’t take your money in exchange for participating in your backwards office dance where everyone steps on everyone’s toes including their own most days. I won’t accept wages to be your grunt if I don’t know what cause we’re working for. I can’t seem to just let my heart settle for less, I’m struggling to find a job because I’m too picky about it when I know I shouldn’t be.

The bottom line is I don’t have the time to chase my dreams anymore, but all I can do is cling to them. I feel like a child most days, I can’t help but want to strive to do something I feel is worth living to do. Sometimes my imagination is skipping all the steps I’d have to take to get there. There isn’t going to be a perfect job waiting for me to find it, it’s waiting for me to earn it if it even exists. Honestly I don’t have the time to earn it because I have a family to think about now, and that’s a really new thought to me. Now I know why so many people give up their dreams to take care of their kids… You know how sad that is? Really sad. And we think Romeo and Juliet is a tragedy and zombies are entertainment, but look at all the walking dead this kind of situation has created! Hilarious, isn’t it? How’s that for entertainment? Jokes on us, I guess. That’s where I’m at for now… I really hope I can make the stuff from my previous post come to life soon, but right now I’m still trying to work out the kinks in this little bit of wreckage we call our twenties.

What’s coming right about now?

Posted: February 2, 2014 in Blog

Ok, so, let’s be real. I’ve been inactive for some time now on my blog. Life’s been busy and stuff, but as you can see I haven’t stopped writing poetry or anything. I’ve just not been posting it. For my subscribers, I am sorry for the poetry spam today, I hope you enjoy it as much as you hate it. I realize this probably isn’t the best way to do things, I’m planning to do releases on Sundays if not throughout the week. If you’re religious you can expect them to be here shortly after you get home from your weekly attendance, and if not then between noon and 2p they’ll be up. I’m making time for it now. Writing is important to me, it’s something I would really like to explore and enjoy more, and perhaps a career of. So here’s what is coming now…

1. There is a donation button! It’s on the left side bar, feel free to use it if you feel like supporting my writing. I have a job, I’m not asking for someone to pay my bills, but it is quite a confidence boost and if my poems have entertained you even remotely as much as a movie that you’d pay some undisclosed amount for… It’s now available for you to do so for my poems as well. 🙂

2. If you just can’t seem to understand the flow of a poem, I have good news! I will be making recordings and uploading them to be available to you. Starting from the most recent poems and going backwards, I will be adding the link to the bottom of the poem’s page. The spoken word versions of my poems will be linked through adfly, so even if you don’t care about the spoken version and you enjoyed the poem you can support me by going through the link. I promise, you won’t get anything on your computer but the sound of my voice (or a friend of mine voice acting for me) doing this and you don’t have to if you don’t want to.

3. YouTube, YouTube, YouTube! If a poem gets a bunch of likes and comments, I will be likely to make a video for it and post it on YouTube. 🙂 So please comment on and like poems you wish to see a video for.

4. If you want to see more of a certain type of content or a poem on a specific topic, please comment about it! I’d love to try my hand at it at least once. I’ve noticed that I get very few comments, and I’d like to have more constructive criticism as well as knowing what exactly you guys like/dislike about the poems. This is my way of growing myself as a writer, and I could really use your input to help me out!

The newborn elf, a baby boy, lay silently watching wide-eyed as if something grand were about to occur, not in the slightest aware that he was in fact that grand something. A prince was born to his people this day. His name? Idan Zeal. And so the tale begins.

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The King embraced the child, throwing all his cares away with unceasing joy. He was a father. He was a father! The child, so vulnerable and helpless yet powerfully innocent and pure. This was the beginning of a grand story, a bright genesis, and the king knew it. The evening was filled with merry celebration and upbeat song. As the day drew to a close and the moon was on it’s rise the king lay a kiss on the top of Idan’s head. “My son…” He said in awe as he laid the small baby in a crib. Turning to walk away his thoughts turned back to the war and his pace became brisk. Straight to the war meeting, now he had more reason to fight than ever. Things weren’t looking good for the city of Fiah where they lived. The rest of the kingdom, Teaghais, had grown corrupt and was at civil war. “Any notable movements?” The king asked as he hurried to his seat in the well hidden room. “None, which worries us more.” responded Casper, one of the king’s advisors. “If you don’t count the army slowly making it’s way here” General Gil chimed in. “Well, he knew about that!” Casper said, “No need to fuss about it now, we’re already doing our best in preparation.” the stress and fatigue showing through his voice. Raul, a genius strategist and final member of the meeting, stood and bowed briefly to greet the king while continuing the conversation, “And we still haven’t told the civilians anything, Casper? I think it’s time we prepare them as well, now that the festivities are over.” Trying to get comfortable in his chair, the king agrees, “Yes, I will tell my wife first in the morning. After that I will address the people. Gil, prepare for riots. How many days out are they at worst?” And at the sound of his words the room goes silent. “Three days, my king” Raul says, breaking the silence, “and that is the best case scenario, at worst they could appear as you speak tomorrow.” The king stood, “Then we have no time to waste, get some rest tonight and we’ll do what we can tomorrow. Good night everyone.” he said leaving the room.

Morning came quickly, and as the sun rose so did the people of Fiah.

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Be warned: Harlem Shake.

Posted: August 1, 2013 in Uncategorized

This was insane. We did this at the end of a crazy night of #TribalWars. #JourneyStudentMinistry just took everything to a whole new level (new to us at least). Before you say anything, yes, I know the # does nothing. OH! And my team #YellowForte won! And I won best dressed leader for my tribe!

I like challenges. I was challenged to write lyrics containing peanut butter, buttery peanuts, marshmallows, motor oil, baby giraffes, and nutella. I apologize for the brain cells you will lose reading this terrible idea. Challenge completed.

Without further ado:

Buttery peanuts,
Slippery devils.
But it’s my fix
For my habitual hells
Where in dwells
Peanut butter swells
And sugary gumdrop wells
The sweet and salty hills
On the fine curve of shells
Smooth and tasty as nutella
Or motor oil flowing from leaking drums
Or the feel of baby giraffe bottoms
I guess I’ll randomly throw
In marshmallows
Just for kicks and giggles
Geez, talk about whimsical…

Spoken Word Download: http://adf.ly/5730942/a-whole-new-level-of-ridiculous

“As it turns out, we know very little of the world we call home! Our own cradle of life has seen far more than we could ever know, were it not sworn to silence it would tell marvelous tales like the one we are about to discover!” he said with an abundance of joy in his voice as he quickly traversed through the city, leading his troop, homebound. A greatly anticipated word had arrived! He had become a father, for this he must abandon the battlefield and make haste to his beloved’s side. Passing through gates and doors, forgetting to slow and dismount entirely, he raced through his palace leaving many in his wake to navigate the newborn confusion and mess on their own as he steamed onward. As he approached the chamber, he leaped from his mount. A dismount befitting of a king, never missing a beat and no apparent loss of momentum. Crashing to the ground like thunder through the sky, you could feel it in the air. With a wave of his hand he opened the final passage, stopped dead where he stand by the painted reality before him. For there stood a woman with her child bundled up in her arms. The newborn elf, a baby boy, lay silently watching wide-eyed as if something grand were about to occur, not in the slightest aware that he was in fact that grand something. A prince was born to his people this day. His name? Idan Zeal. And so the tale begins.

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Yes. There will be more.

Before us lies an era of passion
The very fires of life burning bright
With no signs of letting up for a moment
And hearts, like our hands intertwined for the night
Dreams of hopes and goals growing close
Ever closer as in return we forsake our rights
If only for that one breath
One simple second that you’re really mine
And these hearts of ours share common ground
Understanding for the first time, granting flight
God, don’t let this gravity pull us down
We scream as we dream and hold each other tight
A grand blaze for art, for beauty, for love
An inferno for truth, for the journey, & a reason for life
No one stand in the way or hold us back,
Or burn, I swear, will your soul tonight
Yes! Harsh, offensive, full of meaning and emotion
But truer than the farthest foresight
Real passion never caters to opinions
Idan Zeal, era of passion, my delight.

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Idan means “Era” and Zeal is obvious. It’s a name, and a cool one I think. So I wrote a poem about it, not sure myself what exactly I’m trying to paint as a word picture or who is speaking or where it’s coming from (Parents speaking and turning to their child at the end, or a poem spoken to one’s beloved)… But most definitely capturing the meaning of the name. I read this over like 20 times after I wrote it, still feeling passionate about it.

Spoken Word Download: http://adf.ly/5730942/idan-zeal